Standarization and the US Constitution

Standardization and the
US Constitution

The other day I went to my neighborhood Home Depot to purchase a much needed bathroom faucet replacement. After clucking like a mother hen over the price of faucet assemblies that now range up to and exceed $200, depending on how fancy you want to get, made our selection, self-checked out with a swipe of a well-worn Visa, set off the “please step back” shoplifting alarm because I didn’t rub the faucet box over the “integrated security device” disabling area on the check-out stand, headed home with the “please step back” automated voice ringing in my ears while muttering over and over about how in the hell can a made in China faucet cost $200 when the Government says inflation is fully contained, got home, started the process of hauling out tools that would eventually empty out my entire tool stash, pre-positioned the band-aids, said a few out-loud cuss words to warm-up, pulled my work pants low enough to expose the butt-crack so that I could at least look professional, and got to it. Finally got the old faucet assembly removed and slipped in the new assembly that fit nicely into the 4 inch on-center holes that is the standard precut that comes with all bathroom sinks here in the good old USA. All of this sounds like just another day in paradise, don’t you think? Thank your luck stars that it is routine. Sometimes the most mundane and “take for granted” things, particularly in the physical world, are the most important because they make our everyday world, “practical”. What I am talking about here is the esoteric and very boring world of Standardization. The new faucet assembly fit into my old sink because of the standardization of the precut holes, pipe threads that would accept the old fasteners, and on and on. This standardization allows real competition in the market place because everyone who wants to manufacture and sell a faucet assembly must comply with a whole range of standardization requirements so that competition will be on the basis of price and quality and not because only company Z’s widget will only fit Company Z’s widget holder and so company Z can charge anything they want because competition can’t really work in such a old world regimen. I know a lot about standardization because I spend most of my professional years as a design engineer working for the US Navy (Government). Most people are surprised to learn that most of our present day standardization has come about through the mechanism of Military and Government Specifications because when you are in the South China sea doing battle with bad guys, you can’t afford to have your really big gun not shoot because a broken bolt can’t be replaced. Why can’t the bolt be replaced? It can’t be replaced because the idiots that stocked the replacement bolt didn’t use the proper specification and the replacement bolt won’t fit. I could fill the Library of Congress about the benefits of standardization that most of us learned about in grade school when we were taught about how the railroads standardized their rail gage, and viola, commerce began to roll on standardized tracks and America became a great nation. My cluttered mind thought about these things when it occurred to me because America is the world’s greatest marketplace and to participate in our marketplace you must comply with our bazillions of standardization requirements and by so doing we are inadvertently making the physical world a common place that transcends politics and national borders. Oh my God, Globalization done on behalf of pipe threads and on-center holes. Well what the hell, if Globalization is good enough for faucets, it should be good enough for politics and Governments too. When you began to think like this it is rather a small leap to consider that the US Constitution is in reality a Standardization Specification about how to establish and maintain a society that is peaceful, prosperous and stable, you know, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, i.e., if you standardize the behavior of people in accordance with the US Constitution, you will have a just and stable society. History proves this so. This can explain why the current Globalization effort is such a contentious issue because the world does not have, or will it accept, a proven Constitution like the US Constitution to standardize global human behavior. If the world had such a Global Constitution, then its varied people could socially compete in a meaningful way to obtain and maintain peace and prosperity much like companies can all build faucet assemblies and compete equally on the basis of price and quality. Standardization of human behavior is the only current mechanization to ensure common justice and equality without sacrificing personal liberty. It seems to me that the League of Nations and the current United Nations are the first attempts at Globalization but the League of Nations is long gone and the United Nations is doomed because it is not relevant and will suffer the same fate as the League of Nations because the United Nations Charter is in no way a Constitution that can standardize human behavior in a just way. Indeed, just like Washington DC is the place where reality goes to die the United Nations is the place where Common Cause goes to die. So until someone can come up with a better way, the US Constitution, and others like it, should become the template for the world to standardize human behavior that will in turn, standardize justice and equality so that the world can ensure the peace and promote prosperity for all humankind. In short, Standardization not only enables equality, it is your friend.

A PC Holiday Greeting

A PC Holiday Greeting

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral, winder solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your particular choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion, as well as those who choose not to practice any religion at all. Additionally, a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures, whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to race, creed, color, religion or sexual orientation.
(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

Courtesy of the December 2008, American Legion Magazine.